Last January, my family and I went on a cruise ship to different islands. We have never done this before so it was very unpredictable and exciting. I had no clue what to expect. It was the night before our big departure and I couldn't help but feel a little tense and nervous. I was hesitant about missing a week of school because I take my studies seriously. I didn’t want to fall behind and not have time to make it all up.
I woke up at three in the morning in order to be on time for my 6am flight. I had everything packed and ready to go. I was a bit sad because I had to say good bye to my puppy, an American mastiff, for a whole week while he stayed at my aunt’s house. Everyone was running around my house trying to finish packing the last minute things. We were all set to leave at quarter to four that morning.
As we arrived at the airport with plenty of time to spare, we decided to get some breakfast and just relax before our flight. My sisters and I were goofing off while my dad was reading his newspaper and my mom was reading her magazine. At half past five that morning, we heard over the loud speaker, that passengers could board our plane.
The plane ride went by relatively quick and with no troubles. We landed in Florida because that’s where our cruise ship was docked. It was nice going from cold weather to warm weather in just a three hour flight. It was almost like magic. An hour after we landed, we were on our cruise ship.
The cruise ship was wonderful and elegant. It was so big and filled with friendly workers ready to accommodate us. I felt like royalty. We had a lovely lunch on the ship’s top floor. When we got to our room, our luggage was already there. Suddenly, all my worries about school disappeared. I was in luxury. The next two days we spent out at sea. Since we were on the boat, we spent our time swimming, eating, dressing up for fancy dinners, laying out in the sun, and doing some nice shopping on the boat. It was the life.
On the third day we went to the Cayman Islands where we scuba dove and shopped a little bit. It was awesome. It was almost ninety degrees out and I loved it. We spent about 6 hours on this island then we had to leave and go so the next day we could arrive at the cruise ship’s private island. At this island, we went for a bike ride, swam in the crystal clear water, ate some delicious food, and sat out on the beach.
On the fifth day we were out at sea until about noon and then we docked back at Florida. It was time to leave. I was indifferent about my departure back home. I was sad to be leaving this incredible vacation behind me, but I was happy to be reunited with my friends and be back in school and sports. I got home at around half passed six that night. I went with my parents to pick up my puppy. After this I came home and started to unpack. I started thinking about the memories my family and I shared. Starting to get a little upset, I realized that although the experience is in past, the memories will always be with me.
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1. Aw, meaghan it really seems like you enjoyed yourself and had a nice time with your family i have some envy of your beautiful vacation
ReplyDelete2. You were a little repeatative and careful with your sentence structure
3. Any upcoming vacations? if so, Would you bring me???(:
PLEASE post a picture of your mastiff pup!
ReplyDeleteThere--I got that out of my system....whew! Now, about your writing....this piece is fine, but it seems, at least for most of the entry, that it could be written by anyone about any trip. There's no voice or personality to the writing. You've got to identify those funny, weird, or interesting things that happened on the trip, and you've got to get the message across to the reader, and comment on the unique things that happened.
The best paragraph is the final one, when you express some emotion about the end of the trip and you do a bit of reflection about the bittersweet endings of holidays.
Your sentences are good, but some do need to be more elaborate. The short sentences are simplistic and choppy. For instance, can you combine these into a more complex structure? "The cruise ship was wonderful and elegant. It was so big and filled with friendly workers ready to accommodate us. I felt like royalty. We had a lovely lunch on the ship’s top floor. When we got to our room, our luggage was already there. Suddenly, all my worries about school disappeared. I was in luxury. The next two days we spent out at sea."