On the night on December 18th I had a high school hockey game. But this wasn’t any regular game, because I was starting. I had been told this in one of our practices earlier that week. I don’t know why, but it had just never clicked. Everything seemed so surreal. I hadn’t been planning on starting. I thought that was something that happened junior or senior year. It’s before the game and my coaches are giving a speech to us in the locker room. I hate to admit it, but I don’t even know what they’re saying right now. In my mind it is silent. Nothing is moving. Nobody is speaking.
I have an adrenaline rush moving through my body, but I’m too scared to move or even acknowledge it. I feel this knot in the pit of my stomach. What if people laugh at me? What if they question me starting off the game? What if I let them down?
“Meaghan did u just hear me?”
I jumped a little hearing my coach call my name. I shake my head so he can repeat it. He says that we will all have to line up on the goal line and the announcer will say the starting line. As he says the starting players, you have to skate up to the blue line because there they will be singing the star spangled banner. My heart was racing like a rabbit. WHAT? Are you kidding me? We have never done this before! Why now? I nod my head and he continues on with his speech. I continue to feel queasy.
My coach says for us all to huddle in and starts screaming that this was our game and we could win. Sad to say, that didn’t make me any more confident in myself. The coaches leave the room and it’s the captains turn to speak. They each go around saying what they have to say. I actually listen to them this time. They say how we all have to go in there with a positive mind set and come out with a boat full of energy. At least that’s one thing I got squared away, my energy is out of this world. Kait, one of the captains, opens the door and we all pile out.
The zamboni is finishing its last run on the ice. It’s moving so slow. I see the crowds of people all around us. Our team’s fans are on one side, and the other teams on the opposite. Why do they do this? It’s almost like they can’t talk to one another because they’re rooting for different teams. It’s like a war zone in the arena, and it’s all down to the players and who wants it more. I step onto the ice. It’s so smooth at first. I glide to the red line and we start warm-ups, which I wish never ended.
Buzz! It’s time to line up across the goal line. They start calling the starting lines names. Surprisingly, they didn’t pronounce my name wrong! I skate to the blue line and everyone is cheering, even my coaches. After they finish calling our names, the rest of the team comes up. Then they start with the opposing line. After this is all done, we sing the star spangle banner.
It’s game time. The whistle blows and my line lines up on the face off dot. The ref drops the puck. And I am ready as much as I will ever be. The center draws it back and our defense gets it. They pass the puck to me. I skate down almost too where I was in our zone and loop around to start my quest down to the other end. I get passed two opposing players. When I am eventually in their end I pass to my center. She shoots and the other wing goes in for the rebound. Now this time, I can say we scored to make this essay ten times better. I skate to the bench, and my coach gives me a smile so I knew I had made him happy. That was a great feeling. WORDCOUNT:688
This is an outstanding entry. You do a wonderful job of putting the reader in that moment with you, as the butterflies in your stomach somersault and the nerves build. However, this is the second entry in a row that takes the same approach. It's time to switch things up for your next post. Otherwise, you're becoming predictable. You'll get diminishing returns every time you take the same exact approach to writing about hockey.
ReplyDeleteI have nothing to complain about in terms of the grammatical correctness of the piece, apart from a couple of run on sentences. As with the last post, the tense switching is problematic. It takes the audience out of the present and forces them to reorient themselves temporally. Consistency is key, so for the next post, I'd like to see you write the whole post in the past tense, and as I mentioned above, it's time to take us off the ice. Maybe you can write about team dynamics or practice drills. I always hated suicides, and I couldn't get enough of two on one practice. I loved being the lone defenseman who had to foil two teammates' attempts to score!